What I learned in my daily practice…
Day 1: I am unstable and easily thrown off balance. It’s hard to hold my center. I am carrying a lot of anger and resentment that surfaces easily.
Day 2: Everything I am seeking is available to me. I need to open to love. To be in the flow is free and accessible anywhere I happen to be. I can connect at anytime.
Day 3: Distractions are a part of life, especially with children. It is not important to respond to every little thing. It feels amazing to hold my focus and attention on my practice despite what is going on around me. I am in the flow. I allow the flow to carry me. Creating space for myself daily is vital for my well being.
Day 4: Could not stop smiling today during practice. Listening to old school reggae. Felt and strong. Woke up early feeling clear and ready to greet the day for the first time in quite a while. Baby woke up 3/4 of the way through. Would have loved to continue, down dog was feeling especially productive. But we sat on the blanket outside singing instead. Be flexible.
Day 5: I feel myself getting stronger. I am craving salad and nettles and copious amounts of water. Plank pose makes my arms shake, especially when I engage my abs. Feeling lighter on my feet and more grounded. I find myself looking forward to my practice each day, even after not sleeping much the night before.
Day 6: Distracted today. Angry and impatient. I feel jagged and parched and very open. Stopped practice midway through to fight with V. Took a moment to ground, put on some Damien Marley and Heiroglyphics and started again. Just what I needed… Powerful and charged. Finished with Shimshai and Loop Guru and spent a long time in meditation afterwards. My mantra today, “nothing exists outside of myself. There is only this moment.”
Day 7: Today’s mimi session was almost done in passing. All three kids around and under me, the four of us practiced down dog, random parts of sun and moon salutations and neck rolls. I knew I really needed to make it happen today, even if only for a moment.
Day 8: Try. Do my best and let it be enough. It feels better to focus on the positive. What I have vs. what’s missing. Yet it is easier to see the negative and where life falls short. I need to shift my focus.
Day 9: What am I accessing? How is it shaping my life? My thoughts are creating the road ahead of me. Live consciously every moment. Everything I seek is available to me. Always move in the direction that feels good. Yoga is a manifestation of self love. When I direct love towards myself, more love is available to share with others.
Day 10: My uniqueness is a strength. Being different is not a weakness or a flaw. Creativity is divinity and my art is my offering to this earth and her people. My purpose is to create beauty. Feeling stuck in my left hip today, feels bound and aches. So lots of hip openers. I feel more confident in my yoga as well as in my life. Enjoying the birds and the wind and the wispy clouds as I continue to practice outdoors.
Day 11: This was the day of excuses. When i finally found time to practice in the evening, I had no energy and could barely make myself do it. BUT it was perhaps the most worthwhile session so far.Each pose felt so different after a long day working in and around the house with all the kids. All the stress built up throughout the day drained out of me.Back bends felt especially good, as did forward fold and anything that stretched the back of my legs. It’s all about priorities. What’s important?What do I really want? Today I found myself practicing yoga with my 10 month old crawling around, under and over me, searching for milk. But it worked and I feel great.
Day 12: After a long day making trails on the hillside with a pick ax and my hands, ripping out roots and moving heavy rocks, I practiced yoga in my candle lit kitchen while a storm raged outside. In silence, as all three children were sleeping. Spent the most time in restful poses, feeling tired and sore from the days work. As I looked around, I realized very clearly, that I made all of this. I drew this house on a scrap of paper. I am inside possibly my largest creation ever, practicing yoga. More importantly, I felt how much I love the space I am creating, and felt very sure for the first time, that I want to stay. I have been waiting for this clarity in my heart. After so much time wondering, I finally feel like this is my home.
Day 13: Some days it’s so hard to find a clear time and space for myself, yet those are the days I need it the most. 6 pm yoga today after another hot day swinging the pick ax. I thought I would be shaky and exhausted, but it was the opposite. In plank pose I felt like I was made of iron, with Skrillex and Damien Marley burnin dem like a sun dance. Sinking much deeper into every pose and feeling very strong and confident. My nose touched my knee several times today.
Day 14: Noticing how connecting with other people effects my energy. Feeling fragmented today, spinning out in my head and need to ground. Also feeling stuck in my left hip again. Gravitating towards sun salutations. I waited until night to practice today after a full day of visiting people. It was ok, but I definately prefer practicing earlier. However, the night sounds are enchanting.
Day 15: Today turned into family yoga day. Not exactly the trancendental experience that I have come to enjoy in my solo practice, but important none the less. Everyone joined in, even V for a brief moment. What does this mean to me? They are not only becoming interested in what I like, but are taking it seriously enough to give it a try. My hip is still sore this morning. Meditation didn’t happen, instead we ate muffins. **Side note from later… I am noticing that I bounce back much easier after a set back. I return to my center more easily and it feels like a natural place to be.
Day 16: Back to my uninterrupted morning routine outdoors with music. I really needed this after a full weekend. Very good. Ready to start adding new poses to my simple routine. Today’s realization… What kind of a life am I living that I feel like I need a vacation all the time?Why am I not creating a life that feels more like what I want? It’s time to make it that way for myself.
Day 17: Spent a long time checking in with myself, noticing where I hold stress and tension in my body.Today’s practice was focused mostly on disolving negative energy that is causing me pain. Sun salutations and tried a new sequence with chair and tree. I liked the new stretches a lot and it felt good to add something new. Lots of meditation and clearing. Revisited some of my favorite visualizations. Thoughts of the day… Why am I always trying to hurry? What is the rush and why am I trying to do it all? I have created the illusion of scarcity and it is affecting everything that I do. What if I really listened to myself in every moment and only did the things I was drawn to? How would my life change?
Day 18: This was the 2:30 slow flow. Sun salutations holding each pose for four breaths, four rounds. Not as easy as it sounds. Focused on core strength. Bridge felt awesome today. Finished off with some psycic surgery after noticing that my second chakra fely very off balance and open, like it was leaking? Amazing what shows up when you remember to look. Still trying to quiet the noise in my head. Feeling dehydrated, replenishing fluids and resting today.
Day 19: Same slow flow as yesterday, adding a pilates leg lift sequence with bridge then the tree/ chair flow. Focusing on core strength and overall endurance. Followed by meditation and visualization. Todays realization: I can create wellness. It is a choice. It’s easy to find tranquility at a yoga retreat in Bali, far removed from the stress and chaos of your daily life. Creating that same inner peace and spaciousness while surrounded by your dirty laundry, that is the challenge.
Day 20: Today I felt like I could have continued practicing all day. Everything felt very good, like each stretch was an answer to a question in my body. The music was just right, I chose a nostalgic mix from my days at the Bellingham athletic club. Focusing on strength, endurance and pushing limits. Sinking much deeper into poses, hot muscles bow so much lower. Feeling really good about my continued practice and creating space for myself each day. Empowered and energized. My mind is clearer and I feel more comfortable and confident.
Day 21: I feel myself moving energy and waking up. Or coming back into myself. This place is familiar. Muscle memory is kicking in and I find myself thinking less about each pose. Endorphins are a good thing. Music is soooo important. Todays insight… I have many tools and gifts, I need to use them. I feel like I am on a mountain top with a birds eye view. Yeah… This was a good day for yoga. I woke up ready for it, freezing fog and all. The more space I create for my practice, the more space becomes available for me to practice in. Despite this being Saturday, I found over a full uninterrupted hour this morning.
Day 22: Sunday kids yoga. Today I was the teacher. My 2 and 4 year olds spread towels as yoga mats and followed along with my routine today. Part way through, my little one decided to be a super hero with his towell instead, but it’s ok. Their craziness would have thrown me before, but it didn’t today. I kept to my routine, talking through it like a yoga instructor. It was different and kind of fun. To my surprise, my girl lasted the whole hour and seemed to enjoy it. As the days pass and I feel stronger, more flexible and confident, yoga continues to feel better and better.
Day 23: This was my second indoor session, in my kitchen again. I am a lot more distracted inside. I clearly prefer practicing outdoors. I felt rushed today and realized near the end that it was the sound of the bubbling pot on the stove that was making me hurry. My reflection in the oven door also kept catching my attention. It would have been easy to skip today, rainy and cold outside, feeling achy in my hips and lower back with the dampness. Really glad I made myself do it anyway, my muscles needed to warm up. Meditation was also important for me today. I tend to feel off balance after social gatherings of any kind here. I always leave feeling like there is a lot of energy stuck to my face. Needed to ground and replenish.
Day 24: Outside today. Continued with my same routine. My mind is so full today… Really challenging to let go of all the chatter. Scarcity consciousness is loud. Working on shifting my focus. Feeling healthy and strong, still focusing on core, balance and stamina- in yoga and in my life. Todays insight… keep it simple. Don’t get caught up in the infinite possibilities. Clear and focus. What needs to happen to get to where I want to be?
Day 25: Nice outdoor session today. I can feel the cumulative effectof daily practice in my muscles. As I stretch farther and hold each pose longer, I find myself craving certain stretches throughout the day. I was a bit sore when I woke up this morning, but felt the discomfort drain out of me as I moved through my yoga routine. Deeply relaxing meditation today. The soft breeze and the bird songs really brought it to a new level. I am really enjoying this. As my yoga practice becomes a solid part of my daily routine, I feel the rest of my daily chores and activities finding their natural times and spaces.
Day 26: After a stressful morning, I found incredible relief doing my yoga routine listening to gangsta rap. It was very empowering and super charged. Sometimes it takes a lot to hold my focus and attention and cut through emotions. I felt powerful and energized moving through the poses today. I tried ‘the dancer’ today but it was very wobbly and I could only hold it for a few seconds. I ended with a deep meditation. I am continuously thankful for my daily practice. Todays thought: Why do I revisit painful or negative situations in my mind long after they have passed? What am I getting out of replaying things that bring unhappiness? What if I just let them go instead. I can choose to think about the things that bring me joy.
Day 27: After a full day that included a very long walk with my baby on my back, I almost convinced myself that I didn’t need to do yoga today because I had already exercized plenty. This really pushed me to think about what yoga means to me, why I do it and what I want from my daily practice. Some of my goals are strength and flexibility, confidence and the ability to deeply listen to myself, creating time and space daily to replenish myself and valuing self love and self care. I lit candles in my kitchen tonight as the rain fell, did a series of gentle stretches and spent a long time in meditation. While it was nothing like my energizing morning routine, it was exactly what I needed.
Day 28: Tonight is All Hallows Eve. The moon is where it was when I began. In my candle lit kitchen, I pracriced yoga while my children slept. I listened to my breath. I felt myself return to center. Return to sacred self. The air feels still and it is very quiet. I think about how I felt when I started 28 days ago, the energetic transformation is incredible. My mind is clear and I feel like myself again. My true self. I knowwhere I want to go and how I want to get there.